Black vs White

I saw "Black Swan" tonight.

I was drawn to this movie for a couple of reasons. One, I totally have a girl crush on Natalie Portman. I want her to be my best friend. I'm weird...I understand that. Two, after working at a ballet company for a few years, I am intrigued by the ballet and related things

So a friend warned me that it was a little odd. In fact, she became speechless when trying to explain it to me. So I knew going in not to have any real expectations. I'll just say that I agree, it was odd. But it was good. Not that I necessarily want to see it again, but worth going to see at least once.

So the movie is based around Nina, Natalie Portman's character, who tries out and eventually gets the lead part in the ballet Swan Lake. Normally danced by two characters, this time the White and Black Swan are the same. Nina is perfect for the innocent and graceful White Swan, but has trouble fully capturing the spirit of its opposite in the Black Swan. Mila Kunis plays Lily, another ballerina, new to the company, who seems to embody the Black Swan and provides competition for Nina.

Part of it deals with the fact that Nina is so perfect for the pure and innocent character, because she is that way, but has a hard time becoming the scheming, seductive Black Swan. Minus all the craziness that ensues, I realized I related to this part of the story. I've always wanted to be like Lily/Mila...she just exudes this energy where you know if you go out with her you'll come home with stories. Nina/Natalie on the other hand, would be interesting to sit and have coffee and good conversation with. But if you want a wild night out, you probably wouldn't choose Nina/Natalie. And really, Natalie would probably never been cast as a wild woman...because she just doesn't look like one...and its hard to believe she could convincingly play that type of character. Not that she isn't a good actress...but its like when Jack Black plays serious characters - he does well, its just kinda awkward from a viewers point of view.

The point of this is that I feel like I am the Nina/Natalie character (well minus the crazy part of Nina). I could portray the White Swan very convincingly, but would be harder pressed to convince anyone as the Black Swan. There are days when I wish I could be more Black Swan-ish, carefree, a little wild and to be the fun one. But I am the quiet one. The one you'll find in the corner talking with one or two people, not the one in the middle of the room with a crowd surrounding her. I'm calm and graceful, not wild and seductive. I've tried to be that other person, but it doesn't last long. As much as I want a wild side, I'm always going to be mostly white.