Saturday, May 28, 2011

I Never Thought I’d Still Be Here

I've always loved to write and my mother has always encouraged me to do so. A number of months ago she encouraged me to enter the Real Simple Essay contest. I mulled over the topic for a while and while driving home one day, the essay just came to me. So I sat down and wrote it out and sent it off. I was pretty pleased with my essay. There were some 3000 entries and I did not place in the top three, but I'm okay with that. Just doing it was a big step for me. So since I didn't get published in a big fancy magazine, I thought I'd publish it myself on my blog. The topic was "I never thought I'd...."

When I was 18, and choosing which college to attend, my requirements were that it be a small to medium sized school and be a minimum of 5 hours away. I was ready to get out of dodge! The idea was that it be far enough away that it would be ridiculous to get home every weekend but still close enough that I (or my parents) could make the drive to go home if I really wanted. After a little bit of ennie-mennie-miny-mo, I settled on Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois. It fit my two criteria perfectly. The four years that followed were some of the best/hardest/craziest times in my life. I made great friends, I grew up and I finished college with two degrees. Now what?

Along with the majority of my friends, I was once again ready to get out of town. Ugh. Peoria. It’s boring. There’s nothing exciting to do. So who wants to stays there? One of my friends was headed to Washington, DC to attend grad school. Another was headed to Chicago to finish her physical therapy degree. Another was headed out to Colorado to attend Law School. Such exciting places! I wanted to go! My family had always had an affinity for Colorado and the mountains and so it was ingrained in me that that was where one strived to live. So I talked to the girl going to law school and decided to go out with her. I would be her roommate. She found us a nice apartment. I procured us a cat and some furniture. We were all set.

But what about a job? I was graduating from college in a few weeks…which meant my sole focus had been getting through finals. I had no idea even how to begin looking for a job that was nearly 1000 miles away. I tried some of the “monstrously big” websites, but shockingly only got some “work at home” offers. I guess I could just go out and get a serving job until I landed a “real” job.

During my senior year at Bradley, I had landed a great internship with the local ballet company working on…well, on whatever they needed me to do. I distinctly remember that my first day there I spent killing flies. They had just expanded and were doing some remodeling that left the building open to the elements, and bugs. From there things picked up. I believe the title was Marketing Intern, but the job encompassed so much more. I was able to gain a lot of knowledge through some great experiences. The people in charge were nice and encouraged me mentally and creatively. As the school year was winding down, they began to ask where I was headed and what I was going to do from there. Somehow it came up that there may be a full time position available for me if I stayed.

Crap. So you’re telling me I can have a job, essentially handed to me (which every graduate is striving to get), if I give up my dream of moving to Colorado and stay in Illinois. I could move out West and quite possibly end up serving strangers dinner to make ends meet, or I could stay in Peoria and take a full time job, in which I knew the work, liked my coworkers, and would make a great addition to my resume. It was a decision I wrestled with for some time. I had been itching to get out of town. I got great satisfaction in telling people I was moving to Colorado and watching their faces turn a shade of jealous. I couldn’t just give up that dream. Could I?

But of course I did. I played the safe card, and when they came at me with an offer, took the full time position at the ballet. Now I had to face my future roommate and tell her I was not going to be moving with her. It was awful. I knew she was depending on me for not only half the rent, but for moral support. I felt so bad. We parted ways civilly, but have rarely spoken since then. It’s still a choice I second guess myself on now and again, but I’ve learned I can’t change it, so it’s best not to dwell on it.

So now I was a real citizen of Peoria. Things kind of fell into place from there. I was able to sublease an apartment from friend in the building I’d been living in for the past year and another of my other good friends from school was sticking around Peoria too. I had a real job, friends and a place to live. Life was pretty good. Sure I was still in Peoria, but it wasn’t permanent; I was on a three year plan. My idea was to stick with the ballet job for three years to gain some good experience and then find a new job in some fantastic city far away. Maybe Savannah, Georgia. Maybe I’d finally make it to Colorado. I just knew I wasn’t going to stick around Peoria for long!

And yet, seven years later I am still living in the Peoria area. I’ve switched jobs but not cities. I even took a more permanent step a few years ago when I bought my own house. I still claim, on occasion, that I’ll be moving out of the area in one to three years, but I’m not so steadfast in that aspiration any longer. Over the years, two of my good college friends have settled into the Peoria area, and another is just an hour south. I’ve also made new friends and developed some great contacts. I’ve learned that there is plenty to do in Peoria, if you look around. There’s a thriving arts community and a respectable museum that garners some top exhibits. There is good food to be eaten in every corner of the city and some great concerts to be seen. On any given weekend, there are a number of events to attend that cater to numerous crowds, from motorcycle rallies to business conventions to festivals for every type of food you can imagine! From time to time, I wonder if I’d be happier in a bigger city, or just any other city, but I come to the conclusion that my life is here and that is what makes me happy.

Geographical location does not always determine your happiness. For me, it’s the friends I have around me and the life I’ve made here. I never thought I’d still be here, but now I’m pretty content calling Peoria home.