Lessons Learned

They say you learn something from every relationship you're in.

I don't know who "they" is, but I believe that. If you can't take away something learned from a relationship, then you really did just waste the past few weeks/months/years of your life.

Heading back into the dating world, I started thinking about what exactly I had learned from my previous relationships. Some, I had a hard time coming up with something and others I could have made a list, but here's what I've taken away from them:

High School Boyfriend: Trust Your Gut

My first real boyfriend. In my naivety, I believed it was true love and we'd be together a long time (maybe not forever, I mean I was a smart girl who'd be leaving for college). Anyway, we had a good relationship, and as the summer wore to a close, I could tell something was going amiss. But that was all in my head. Right? We went to a going away party towards the end of the summer and HSbf disappeared for a while. I asked around, and they said he was downstairs. I ignored it for a while, but something started to bug me so I went down to check, he was down there with the host's sister. It seemed innocent enough, they were just sitting there talking. But still, it didn't feel right. So I asked him to come up...both of them actually...to return to the party upstairs. He kind of blew me off. I returned to my friends upstairs but couldn't shake the uneasy feeling. I later was informed that he was messing around with the girl in the basement. When I confronted him he didn't deny it. Said we wouldn't have made it much longer anyway since we were going different directions for school. I was heartbroken, but lesson learned. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Bad Boy #1: Boys are Messy

Hey I didn't say they'd all be deep lessons. And this is a lesson I'd learn over and over and over again. And that as much as you ask (or bitch) about the filth, in the end its who they are, and you can rarely change that.

Bad Boy #2: Take Heart In Your Best Friend's Opinion

Really this was another "trust your gut" lesson, but emotions can get in the way and outwit your gut.

Stupid emotions.

Anyway, its not that I've learned that my Best Friend has to adore my Boyfriend, but her opinion should count. She knows you as well as you know you, and sometimes better...cuz she doesn't have stupid emotions running around clouding things up. If she says something is weird, take a moment to step back and look at it objectively. She wants you to be happy, she's not trying to sabotage your love life. Often times, she can see things you can't. In my case, she saw things I didn't want to acknowledge, and pointed them out so as to spare my feelings in the long run. I didn't listen though. And guess what? She was right. And I got hurt. But she was there to pick up the pieces and help me keep moving. So now I weigh her opinion a little heavier.


Bad Boy #3: Having and Keeping a Job is about More than Just Getting Up and Going To It

Yeah, I went through a Bad Boy phase. They even all looked alike. Looking back, its rather disturbing.

Not only did I go through a bad boy phase, there were also a number of waiters (I was one too and it was a revolving door of new people...great place to meet guys! Or so I thought). I was a server too, so I don't dis the job. What I don't understand is being complacent with the job. It was never a job I intended to keep for the rest of my life. It was to help me get through school and then give me a little extra fun money. But I had higher aspirations...get a job with regular hours and benefits and a steady paycheck.

I dated what I refer to as 'career servers.' Some of them were great people, but not long term relationship material. It is not just a job at that point, its a mindset. And what I learned was that it meant they didn't want to grow up and take responsibility for themselves...they were the most important people in their lives and thinking of others first was not their strong point.

From the collection of relationships, I've also learned to that I have to be me. Yes, there are compromises to be made, but not about my core beliefs and morals.

Sometimes, its fun to learn new lessons, sometimes it unbelievably difficult. But at the end of the day, I know its ok because they've all gotten me to where I am today, and all these lessons will be stored and used for the right relationship.