Black vs White

I saw "Black Swan" tonight.

I was drawn to this movie for a couple of reasons. One, I totally have a girl crush on Natalie Portman. I want her to be my best friend. I'm weird...I understand that. Two, after working at a ballet company for a few years, I am intrigued by the ballet and related things

So a friend warned me that it was a little odd. In fact, she became speechless when trying to explain it to me. So I knew going in not to have any real expectations. I'll just say that I agree, it was odd. But it was good. Not that I necessarily want to see it again, but worth going to see at least once.

So the movie is based around Nina, Natalie Portman's character, who tries out and eventually gets the lead part in the ballet Swan Lake. Normally danced by two characters, this time the White and Black Swan are the same. Nina is perfect for the innocent and graceful White Swan, but has trouble fully capturing the spirit of its opposite in the Black Swan. Mila Kunis plays Lily, another ballerina, new to the company, who seems to embody the Black Swan and provides competition for Nina.

Part of it deals with the fact that Nina is so perfect for the pure and innocent character, because she is that way, but has a hard time becoming the scheming, seductive Black Swan. Minus all the craziness that ensues, I realized I related to this part of the story. I've always wanted to be like Lily/Mila...she just exudes this energy where you know if you go out with her you'll come home with stories. Nina/Natalie on the other hand, would be interesting to sit and have coffee and good conversation with. But if you want a wild night out, you probably wouldn't choose Nina/Natalie. And really, Natalie would probably never been cast as a wild woman...because she just doesn't look like one...and its hard to believe she could convincingly play that type of character. Not that she isn't a good actress...but its like when Jack Black plays serious characters - he does well, its just kinda awkward from a viewers point of view.

The point of this is that I feel like I am the Nina/Natalie character (well minus the crazy part of Nina). I could portray the White Swan very convincingly, but would be harder pressed to convince anyone as the Black Swan. There are days when I wish I could be more Black Swan-ish, carefree, a little wild and to be the fun one. But I am the quiet one. The one you'll find in the corner talking with one or two people, not the one in the middle of the room with a crowd surrounding her. I'm calm and graceful, not wild and seductive. I've tried to be that other person, but it doesn't last long. As much as I want a wild side, I'm always going to be mostly white.

The Bookstore

When I walk into a bookstore, my senses are immediately heightened. A chill of excitement runs through my body as I walk into the rows and rows of books. As I glace at the first table of books I can feel my heart start to race. I can not wait to put my hands on the textured cover of the latest bestselling hardcover or to run my fingers over a sleek magazine cover. Coffee is generally the strongest scent, enticing me to stop by the cafe for one of the hot, fragrant beverages. As I wrap my fingers around the warm cup, I head back out to the rows of books and begin to browse. The magazines with their shiny and colorful covers catch my eye and I peruse by, reading the headlines that are screaming for my attention. Sometimes I'll get sucked in and pull one from the shelf to skim, checking out the bright ads and the beautiful clothes and accessories that create in me an envious passion for them. I realize I will probably never have access to the majority of items in the magazine and return it to the shelf. I walk out of Periodicals and return to the real reason I've come, to the books that are calling my name. They call me from Chick Lit and Romance. I walk by the Pet section and am drawn to the slick covers with handsome looking pups on them. Some days the Self Help books call me to check them out, and sometimes even the technical books on the latest gadget make me stop and glance. By far, the place that always calls the loudest, is Bargain Row. For one reason or another, these books have been placed here and marked down way below their value...and as a bargain hunter, I can not generally pass up this delicious section. I take my time and wonder though, reading all the titles and picking up a book here and there to flip through its interiors filled with a variety of information. It is this variety that intrigues me most. There are trivia books, game books, books on a dog's thoughts, and books about every war. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I'll come across a golden nugget, something I've had my eye on for some time. Perhaps a book on 'tape' who's author's golden voice has been cooing me to listen for the last few months, or a new journal, fresh with possibilities, or a book who's title and cover I can not turn my eyes from. My heart quickens again at the prospect of bringing this item home with me. I feel like this item could change my future. As I hold the item in my hands and turn it over, inspecting front, back and the internal contents, the rest of the store recedes and I am left alone with my new found friend. It is a rush like no other when the purchase is made and the bag with my precious new item is handed to me. I am free to take it home and bask within it and I am content...until the next time I walk through those doors.

For Your Information

Girls may be CR-A-ZY

...but...

Boys are STUPID.

Just keep that in mind.

Hitting the Wall

Sometimes phrases pop into my head and I think, that would be a great start to a blog or book. So I repeat the phrase to ensure I remember it...inevitably forgetting all about it 15 minutes later.

The point is I'm not so good at making myself sit down and actually write. I love to write. And sometimes when I do sit down, it just flows. But there are other days, generally the days when I have time to write, that I have forgotten those little phrases that would make a great post.

So about six months ago, I declared I was going to write a book. I've even got a title. I'm not sure how much to share on this wide open internet, as I really want to get this book going, so I'll just say its about how sometimes in relationships girls act irrationally. Basically. I intend for it to be a fun, light read.

The last few days a lot of thoughts have been swirling in my head and I haven't really had the opportunity to discuss them outloud, so after I got out of the shower this morning, I told myself to sit down and write. A great quote popped into my mind and got me started.

I told myself, write for one hour. I got about 35 minutes in and hit the wall...so I got up and got a piece of candy. Wrote another sentence. Got up and let the dog out. Rewrote the last sentence. Starred out the window at the dog. Starred at the last sentence I wrote. Let the dog in. Decided I needed some inspiration, so I googled some stuff. Jotted a couple notes down (yes on a real piece of paper). Now that candy made me thirsty, so up for a glass of water. I sat down all ready to continue writing, but just starred. Gosh darn it, I've got all day with nothing to do and its the perfect time to work on my book and I can't make it past a half page.

So I turned to blogging about it.

I remember a teacher of mine saying just like anything else you want to do better, you have to practice. So maybe I'm just out of practice. I need to do some writing exercise and I need to do them daily (wow, and apparently I need to practice my spelling too because it just took me five minutes to figure out how to spell exercise).

Why I Don't Vote

My parents were not especially political. In fact I don't recall it ever being a topic of conversation in my house. I never paid much attention to elections and politics in general. Then in college I lived with two political science majors. Elections, bills, laws, Senate Majority Leader, were regular topics of conversations (I was not included in these conversations, I just listened as I had no idea what they were actually talking about). They tried their darnedest to educate me, but not much sunk in. Well maybe not much sunk in, but it has made me more aware of the political world...doesn't mean I understand, just that I know its there and that it sounds like a big fat mess.

That leads me to the point of this post... the big fat mess. You can't turn any where right now without being inundated by ads for the upcoming election. At first they weren't so bad. Just introducing us to the candidates, giving us their take on important issues a few times during prime time tv. And then suddenly they were everywhere and they were getting nasty. The other day I was playing one of those stupid little addicting games on MSN and while my game was loading, an ad for the governor's seat played. Seriously? Is that necessary? I don't think the innundation would bother me so much if not for the content of the ads now. They have gotten mean and vicious. Why would I want to vote for either of you? You're telling me this guy didn't pay his taxes but wants everyone else to pay more but my other option is the guy who voted to give himself a raise but left the budget $13 million in the red.

Don't tell me why NOT to vote for the other guy! Tell me why I SHOULD vote for you! Isn't that why I should vote? So that you can make a change and make our world better? But how are you going to do that, how will I know you CAN do that, if all you're telling me is all the mistakes your opponent makes? And didn't your mother ever tell if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?!?

I recently read an article that stated that negative ads work and "when they stop working, we'll stop running them." Well you don't give us another option. Try us. Give us an election where at least one candidate only runs positive ads and see what happens. I bet they get votes soley on the basis that they didn't say anything negative about anyone else. What are we telling future generations? It doesn't matter what you can do, its how bad you can make your opponent look.

Can't we change this way of doing things?

My Fear

"#4: Either Bristol has a really big head or her partner has a really small one. "

Per Popbytes.com

This is one of my biggest fears. I'm a tall girl. My body is proportionally bigger than most people's. I'm always fearful that my head will appear gigantically larger than whoever I'm with. I slightly dread the first picture I see of myself and the guy I'm dating or my new friend. Will I look absolutely ridiculous?

Irrational fear. Gotta love it.

The Dreaming Sleeper

What Your Sleep Personality Says About Your Waking Life

How personality, sleep and health are intertwined.
By Maia Szalavitz for MSN Health & Fitness

The Dreaming Sleeper

Can you vividly recall your dreams each morning? Your sleep style indicates that you are likely highly creative in your waking life.
"People with an intensely high level of dream recall have something called 'thin borders,'" says James Pagel, M.D., director of the Sleepworks Laboratory in Colorado Springs, Colo. "That means that for them, everything is in shades of gray, there's not whole lot of black or white. They’re not purely Democrats or Republicans; they are not quite asleep or awake; and they define much of their lives in that way."
Such people tend to be odd and quirky—and although most are perfectly normal, they are at higher risk than others for schizophrenia.

*I ran across this article this morning and this was the part that related to me. I feel that the description of "shades of gray" is exactly me. I don't have a favorite color, or strongly dislike another. I tend to sit in the middle in a lot of arguments...I see both sides. And I remember at least some part of a dream nearly every morning. Makes for some interesting stories...