Do it.

I am going to start writing again.
I am going to start writing again.
I am going to start writing again.
I am going to start writing again.

I figure if I write it out a bunch of times, maybe I'll be more prone to follow through.  You know, like they made you do in school (well at least what they made Bart Simpson do in school)! I went to an author event at the library here and she said that writing was just part of her and I thought, I know exactly what you mean.  I miss writing.  I write emails for work, but that IS NOT the same.  At all.

I don't really know where to start, so I'm just going to start today with what is on my mind. 

It has been just over a month since the death of a friend.  And a month and half since the death of a good friend's sister.  In a way, I am waiting for another.  They say things come in threes...

But these deaths have made me think a little more about my life.  About what I'm doing and what's important. About friends, and calling them up and keeping in touch and making an effort to get together.

I've known Lori for nearly 14 years.  She was one of the first people I met when I started working at Ned Kelly's Steakhouse during college.  We weren't best friends or anything, but we hung out together.  Over the years, we haven't seen as much of each other, but with Facebook we've kept in touch.  When I bought my house, I found out her parents lived across the street.  I'd see her picking up the kids after work and we'd wave and sometimes meet in the middle to chat for a minute before she had to run off.  When I got my current job, I realized she worked just down the street and we agreed we should meet for lunch.  I think we did once. One of the guys we worked with at Ned's opened a deli near our jobs, so I had the intention of suggesting of meeting up there.

But that never happened.  I'd think of it too late or I had other plans and we never got together.  She had been on my "to do" list, but I kept pushing it down. 

And now I can never cross it off. 

To me, its a lesson to follow through.  Call your friends.  Set up lunch dates.  Make time. 

I am also reminded at how life is unpredictable.  No one saw this coming.  Both ladies lost their lives with no idea that it was coming.  So my take away from these tragedies is to make life worth it.  Do what you love.  Surround yourself with those you love.

So I'm going to write.  And I'm going to call my friends and family and make an effort to see them. 

You just never know.

A Look Back at 2012

2012 is coming to a close and I thought I'd take a look back at what this year has brought before I say goodnight to it.

It has been an amazing year.  Lots of changes...and mostly all for good! 

The year started with nothing too special.  A gathering of friends and some drinks, but otherwise quiet.  In mid-January, I had some visitors when Scott's family came up for a hockey game at the Civic Center. I cooked dinner for more people than I'd ever cooked for and I have to say it turned out decent...the timing on some things could have been better, but it tasted good and that is what counts!

The Probst Family at a Rivermen Game

In February, I left my job at Jump Start Gymnastics, where I had worked for the past 6 years and started down a completely new path at Belcan.  It was hard to say goodbye to something I had known so long, but it was a necessary change. I started at Belcan at the end of February and while I was a little nervous to begin a new venture, I was really excited about all the new prospects this job would bring.

March started with a wedding and ended with a visit from old friends.  Emily flew in to the midwest and we started with a visit to the Chicago 'burbs and then traveled back to Peoria to spend a few days down here.  On the last day, our third roommate came into town on a weird coincidence and we were able to spend some time together and visit our old digs.  It was a great few days!

The Girls of UHall 1B - 11 Years Later

Mr Big Shot - Chris gave a speech to some Bradley kids while he was in town.

Roommates visiting our old apartment. Bottom Left...yeah we lived underground!

April brought another wedding...my cousin's.  Scott and I trekked back to Iowa for a weekend to watch my younger (by one year and one day!) cousin get married.  It was great to see all my family together!  Unfortunately, Scott got super sick and we ended up staying an extra day and a half and taking him to a prompt care.  A nasty cold and some spots on his throat, but some antibiotics and rest cleared him up pretty quickly. I'm not going to lie, it was nice to not have to rush back to Peoria!

The Hamilton Family at Becky's Wedding - Scott's face nearly matches his shirt at various points during the day. :(

Poor Guy.  Very Sick! Doesn't even care that BooBoo joined him for a nap.

 For Christmas last year, the Probst Family informed everyone that we would all be going on vacation together to Gulf Shores, Alabama at the end of May.  It was something I had always dreamed of, sitting on a beach with nothing to do but soak in the sun, have a few drinks and eat good food!  My dreams were not disappointed...the beach was out our backdoor and I could sit on our deck and have my morning coffee and listen to the ocean.  It was amazing!  The weather couldn't have been better while we were there...sun everyday and perfect temps. 

My view at breakfast. Life does not get better!

Enjoying some family time in the ocean.

Family photos!

 It was the third or fourth day we were there when we went out near sunset to take family photos.  More than a ton were taken...different combinations, different poses, different people.  It was a beautiful evening for it.  Someone suggested we take photos of the couples walking down the water's edge, so Scott and I went first.  We walked away from the group and they snapped a few photos and shouted they got it.  I turned around to return to the group and Scott grabbed my hand.  When I turned around, he was down on one knee and asked me to marry him!   My first response was "You told me you weren't going to do it on vacation!"  He looked at me.  And I said "YES!" 

The beach. At sunset.  Cliche? Yes.  Romantic? Always!

So excited!

The Ring.

Love.

 In a lucky coincidence, the weekend after we returned from Gulf Shores, I returned to Council Bluffs for my brother and soon-to-be sister in law's wedding shower.  I showed off my ring to all my family and then made sure to focus on the more current bride to be!  It was a gorgeous shower that was pulled together by my mom and 2nd mom, Cathy with little to start with.  It was held at my parent's house in CB, which is empty more than occupied, but you wouldn't have known that day.  It was a beautiful event!

The Yummies.

A kind of view of the room.  Set up like a tea house.

Brother & Sister

The soon to be married couple....Zach & Krystle.

And that is the first half of my year! 

California

Nearly a year ago I turned 30. Two weeks later Emily and I went to California to celebrate each of us surviving the prior three decades. It was awesome. It had thrills (we almost died), chills (it was rather cool) and gorgeous scenery. It was one of the best vacations I've ever been on!

We did the San Fransisco thing...rode the streetcars, checked out the bridge.



Checked out a number of local wineries.

Took in some amazingly beautiful scenery.

And just enjoyed each others company for the long weekend.

It definitely was a great start to a good year!

I Never Thought I’d Still Be Here

I've always loved to write and my mother has always encouraged me to do so. A number of months ago she encouraged me to enter the Real Simple Essay contest. I mulled over the topic for a while and while driving home one day, the essay just came to me. So I sat down and wrote it out and sent it off. I was pretty pleased with my essay. There were some 3000 entries and I did not place in the top three, but I'm okay with that. Just doing it was a big step for me. So since I didn't get published in a big fancy magazine, I thought I'd publish it myself on my blog. The topic was "I never thought I'd...."

When I was 18, and choosing which college to attend, my requirements were that it be a small to medium sized school and be a minimum of 5 hours away. I was ready to get out of dodge! The idea was that it be far enough away that it would be ridiculous to get home every weekend but still close enough that I (or my parents) could make the drive to go home if I really wanted. After a little bit of ennie-mennie-miny-mo, I settled on Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois. It fit my two criteria perfectly. The four years that followed were some of the best/hardest/craziest times in my life. I made great friends, I grew up and I finished college with two degrees. Now what?

Along with the majority of my friends, I was once again ready to get out of town. Ugh. Peoria. It’s boring. There’s nothing exciting to do. So who wants to stays there? One of my friends was headed to Washington, DC to attend grad school. Another was headed to Chicago to finish her physical therapy degree. Another was headed out to Colorado to attend Law School. Such exciting places! I wanted to go! My family had always had an affinity for Colorado and the mountains and so it was ingrained in me that that was where one strived to live. So I talked to the girl going to law school and decided to go out with her. I would be her roommate. She found us a nice apartment. I procured us a cat and some furniture. We were all set.

But what about a job? I was graduating from college in a few weeks…which meant my sole focus had been getting through finals. I had no idea even how to begin looking for a job that was nearly 1000 miles away. I tried some of the “monstrously big” websites, but shockingly only got some “work at home” offers. I guess I could just go out and get a serving job until I landed a “real” job.

During my senior year at Bradley, I had landed a great internship with the local ballet company working on…well, on whatever they needed me to do. I distinctly remember that my first day there I spent killing flies. They had just expanded and were doing some remodeling that left the building open to the elements, and bugs. From there things picked up. I believe the title was Marketing Intern, but the job encompassed so much more. I was able to gain a lot of knowledge through some great experiences. The people in charge were nice and encouraged me mentally and creatively. As the school year was winding down, they began to ask where I was headed and what I was going to do from there. Somehow it came up that there may be a full time position available for me if I stayed.

Crap. So you’re telling me I can have a job, essentially handed to me (which every graduate is striving to get), if I give up my dream of moving to Colorado and stay in Illinois. I could move out West and quite possibly end up serving strangers dinner to make ends meet, or I could stay in Peoria and take a full time job, in which I knew the work, liked my coworkers, and would make a great addition to my resume. It was a decision I wrestled with for some time. I had been itching to get out of town. I got great satisfaction in telling people I was moving to Colorado and watching their faces turn a shade of jealous. I couldn’t just give up that dream. Could I?

But of course I did. I played the safe card, and when they came at me with an offer, took the full time position at the ballet. Now I had to face my future roommate and tell her I was not going to be moving with her. It was awful. I knew she was depending on me for not only half the rent, but for moral support. I felt so bad. We parted ways civilly, but have rarely spoken since then. It’s still a choice I second guess myself on now and again, but I’ve learned I can’t change it, so it’s best not to dwell on it.

So now I was a real citizen of Peoria. Things kind of fell into place from there. I was able to sublease an apartment from friend in the building I’d been living in for the past year and another of my other good friends from school was sticking around Peoria too. I had a real job, friends and a place to live. Life was pretty good. Sure I was still in Peoria, but it wasn’t permanent; I was on a three year plan. My idea was to stick with the ballet job for three years to gain some good experience and then find a new job in some fantastic city far away. Maybe Savannah, Georgia. Maybe I’d finally make it to Colorado. I just knew I wasn’t going to stick around Peoria for long!

And yet, seven years later I am still living in the Peoria area. I’ve switched jobs but not cities. I even took a more permanent step a few years ago when I bought my own house. I still claim, on occasion, that I’ll be moving out of the area in one to three years, but I’m not so steadfast in that aspiration any longer. Over the years, two of my good college friends have settled into the Peoria area, and another is just an hour south. I’ve also made new friends and developed some great contacts. I’ve learned that there is plenty to do in Peoria, if you look around. There’s a thriving arts community and a respectable museum that garners some top exhibits. There is good food to be eaten in every corner of the city and some great concerts to be seen. On any given weekend, there are a number of events to attend that cater to numerous crowds, from motorcycle rallies to business conventions to festivals for every type of food you can imagine! From time to time, I wonder if I’d be happier in a bigger city, or just any other city, but I come to the conclusion that my life is here and that is what makes me happy.

Geographical location does not always determine your happiness. For me, it’s the friends I have around me and the life I’ve made here. I never thought I’d still be here, but now I’m pretty content calling Peoria home.

Three Decades

Today is my 30th birthday. I have now been traipsing around on this earth for 3 decades.

Wow.

When I was 21 I had a timeline for myself. I wanted things for myself in a timely manner...on my schedule. Ya know, cute boy, engagement, wedding, house, baby, etc. When I hit the first major year of that timeline and hadn't hit the goal, I was thrown off a little. A little flustered. I adjusted a bit. A second year on my milestone timeline came and went and I was not able to check it off either.

I got it. The timeline was crap. And out the window it went. I realized I have to take things as they come, whenever they come. And most importantly, believe they will.

One thing I did vow to myself was that there were certain things I didn't want when I turned 30. I didn't want to be in a strained relationship. Or in a job I hated. I didn't want to dwell on the negative things that had happened. And I wanted more general things. I want to be happy. I want a social life that included helping people. I want to be surrounded by positive people.

And for the most part, I have hit THOSE marks. And if I'm not all the way there, I am making a whole-hearted effort to get there. Its not the silly tangible things of my youth, its the things that make me who I am and how I feel about myself and my life.

So bring on the 30's. I'm ready for them. I'm open to what they may bring, but I'm not putting any timeline on them.

Frogs or Asses

We all know the story of the princess and the frog. Until she plants a big fat juicy one on him, this great prince of a man remains an ugly warty frog. And as soon as her lips touch that slimy skin, a handsome wonderful prince appeared.

And they lived happily ever after.

Do you think the story would be the same if it was an ass? If a woman kissed the right ass, could he become the man she always wanted?

Love Isn't All You Need

...But it is important.

I've been in a number of different relationships. Each teaching me something about myself and about what I was looking for in that ultimate relationship.

I'm a big fan of the song "Love is All You Need," but the notion is preposterous. (Ok, maybe I wouldn't go that far, but its not really true.) I loved the last guy I was with. We had fun. He made me laugh. I felt completely loved by him and I truly loved him.

BUT...it didn't work. It couldn't work. There were some fundamental basics missing. He was a smart guy, but had no work ethic and no desire to make an effort. He did the bare minimum. I grew up instilled with a strong work ethic. If you want the nice things in life, you have to work for them. And let me tell you I want the nice things! So I worked my little tushy off and Mr did the just enough to keep a job...if he felt like it. More than once, I came home from work and he told me he quit...just because. And he was never in a hurry to find another job. It drove me nuts.

But I still loved him.

We didn't have the same morals and values either. When it came down to deep conversations and serious issues, we didn't see eye to eye. Sure its good to hear different view points, but he could be so far out there on some things that I didn't see how we would ever be able to come to an understanding or a middle meeting point.

I woke up one day and realized I could never have children with this man. I couldn't depend on him to provide for a family and what ideals that I held to be important, would he then discourage to our child/ren? It was a frightening eye opening moment. We discussed it at length a number of times, but at the core of who we are, we can't change. This wasn't going to work.

So yeah, we loved each other...but its not all you need.